I’m sorry to see him go, I would have enjoyed another year to see what Scott Brooks could do without so many injuries, but Thunder knows best and I’m sure they have their reasons for letting Mr. Brooks go from position of Thunder head coach. I’m sure there will be offers up for a talented cat as he saunters through Thunder Alley one last time. Good luck, Coach.
Open Letter to The Oklahoma City Dodgers: An Official Plea for Greater Goat Acess Consideration to Ensure Continued Success on the Field
By Anthony Pego
Opening day is upon us Okc-based minor league baseball fans (April 9th), and in the name of avoiding spring cleaning we all dust off our fitted hats and foam fingers this time of year. Due to a series of home break-ins over the last year here at Boo Science Labs I’ve felt somewhat cursed, and have become somewhat superstitious. For this reason I have begun researching the best method by which we new OKC Dodgers (formerly the RedHawks) fans may avoid accidentally attracting a curse placed upon our recently rebranded minor-league baseball team.
It turns out a long, long time ago, in a Wrigley Field far away, a man named Billy Sianis, who owned a goat bar, bought himself and his goat both tickets for a Cubbies and Detroit Tigers World Series baseball game. The goat was denied entry at the Wrigley Field gate, and upon being tied to a stake outside, the most controversial and fruitful curse ever placed on a sports team blanketed the Cubs quest for diamond dominance in a World Series.
After much thumbing through old Mad Magazines, the answer has become clear to me: The OKC Dodgers need some level of access to the OKC Dodgers field for goats. In my opinion, we cannot risk denying even a single goat his or her ability to enjoy American baseball, particularly in the beginning days of a franchise rollover. (That’s what we call it when we rename a baseball francise every 10 or so years, right?)
Spring is a special time for families, and for baseball. The two are most definitely not mutually exclusive, barring the few usual local statisticians and cardboard enthusiasts. Recently, in my quest to understand Twitter, I’ve grown to love a herd of goats known as the Hefner Goats, which tend to municipal needs around the Oklahoma City metro area (along with sheep and a Democrat, I’m told). Despite only having one interaction with them on said social medium, I already feel like they are nuclear family. Or at least a rung above my mom’s lazy-eyed King Charles the IIIrd Cousin Dog, or whatever.
Due to my newfound affinity for all things goat, I am considering adopting a dozen or two of the hard working Satan spawns for my personal lawn service, home security, and of course to expand the number of beloved members in my fine Oklahoma baseball loving multi-specied family. As I add goats to my already overly furry family photos, I’ll want to introduce my bearded friends to our favorite family pastime, baseball, and what better than the Oklahoma City Dodgers for their first taste of Americana and non-goat based leather?
As the Dodgers christen their Oklahoma City diamond I ask, nay I beg, them to consider allowing access to, at the very least, a small but premium hillside. Preferably just over left field (the greenest grass grows on the left side). At the very least I think a seat behind the visiting team dugout is in order, reserved for any Okie goat that might want to visit the ballpark with their family, tenders, or their personal herding dogs. Perhaps in the rare occasion that it goes unused it could be occupied by any out-of-town mascots or service animals belonging to active umpires.
Lord knows we all need someone on our side, and in my opinion the proud and all too often blue-collared goat might be just the wooly friend we need right now.
As for the catification of Harry Caray, Twitter follower @Thomas_Reese requested I turn the Cubs and all of baseball’s most beloved voice into a proud feline, and it is my honor to do so. There are some who say Harry Caray was stronger, sharper, somehow better before he sat down to chug beer and sing* songs with the Cubbie fans, but not me. I say the body will do what it may, but being with those you love, or near the field on which they play when you pass away, and having them love you back, is nothing short of a hero’s death. Ladies, gentlemen, heroes, goats and cats, play ball.
I noticed Brad didn’t say the allegations are untrue. He went on to say that perhaps Mr. Boren shouldn’t be president of the university if he can’t run an impartial investigation. This is coming from a graduate of the fine state of Arizona, a state perhaps best known for its string of schools remarkable for their studious fortitude and inclusiveness. (And blue meth.)
I think Mr. Cohen is a bit hurt that President Boren crossed over his imaginary collegiate thin Burberry-tartan line. What I do know is that, recently, a friend of mine — also a lifelong friend of Mr. Boren’s — died after a long, 29-year struggle with mental illness and addiction.
Everyone in the art community knew and loved Spencer Mellow, so did many in the faith community and even many in a few more debauched local communities. Spencer was known for having the most love to give out of anyone we knew, so it came as no surprise that in his funeral photo montage were images of a quite young Spencer sitting at one of Mr. Boren’s more stately desks. (Checking for grammatical errors and good ideas, no doubt.) What did surprise me was seeing Mr. Boren sitting quietly, drawing no attention to himself, taking time to say goodbye to a kid he loved for an all-too-brief but brilliance-filled few decades. Just that day he appointed Jabar Shumate as University of Oklahoma’s vice president, a new position intended to foster stronger multicultural relations, among other tasks, and now there he was taking time away from what had to be an incredibly busy transitional time to pay respects to the most chaotic, flamboyant, hardest working and hardest partying creatives I have ever known.
Despite having family in the political realm, I have never met Mr. Boren, but I would gladly shake his hand out of respect, and I prefer that he runs that crimson insane asylum most of us adore so much. Better an ex-politician who cares enough about people to bring real change, than one who would rather sing the songs of the same.
So you might be asking yourself, “What does Ralph Waldo Ellison, author of Invisible Man (1952) have to do with any of this?” I’m glad you asked.
This makes it the perfect book for revisiting right now, and I hope you do, and frankly I hope it is handed out to every student who joins OU in the next year, regardless of color, status, or singing ability. Clearly we have gone too long without seeing or reading about a man making difficult choices in times of cultural upheaval.
PS: During my research, I found out Mr. Boren’s aunt used to write songs, and met Elvis Presley as a budding musician (she also cowrote “Heartbreak Hotel) , so needing one more catification to make 3 total, it seemed a lovely choice. Hope you enjoy.
“Letting the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back” – Will Rogers
Oklahoma is burlap-sacks full of entertainers who make history, both past and present. So when my tax guy (Crotts and Assoc.) said he would give me a break on my filing fees if I made him a catification that didn’t give him and his clients more anxiety, I knew just who would be next on my list – Brad Pitt. Who I would have gladly catified, except every time I try it ends up looking like Paul Reubens, so I went with the next best Okie, Will Rogers. You might all remember him from the airport. I chose his iconic pose with his wrangling rope because I like to imagine Will Rogers the zombie coming back as a half cat, half man ready to rope and can all the legislative alley cats that are making a discrimination-free day and living harder to come by for the fine people here in Oklahoma – but with a wry smile and a quip that would make Senator Lankpurr show emails.
I’d also like to announce the first Boo Science Tshirt, a Mary Howlin retro and very patriotic design. Buy it soon, or you clearly hate Oklahoma, God, and the sanctity of your wardrobe.
As for the other cats, you know how Anchors are, you catify one for doing a tremendous interview (thanks Morgan Chesky!) and they all want to be creeped out by seeing themselves as an anthropomorphized cat. Buncha weirdos, but we love them.
Recently I catified Oklahoma’s 44th District Representative Emily Virgin, thanks to her work for the LGBT and various minority communities. To my complete pleasure and surprise Rep Virgin happened to be in a twitter conversation with Perez Hilton about the recent legislative events, and Perez catsually “begged to differ” that his Twitter mention was more important than my catification of Oklahoma’s most adored LGBT hero. It seems to me Perez is just jealous, and I aim to fix that. Perez, be catty no more. We all love you here in Oklahoma, plenty of tummy rubs await your visit to our complex, but beautiful state. You’re purrfect how you are and we would love your company as soon as possible.
As for the Shat cat, who wouldn’t love to see out favorite redditor and social kitty, Mr. Catner, in fur form, I’m just shocked we didn’t see him contract some feline STD during the early Star Trek series shots among all those purrmiscuous cat-like aliens during his travels in the expansive cardboard box in which we all live. Respect to the Shat.
People have been asking to be catified, which is totally weird, but cats are SUPER weird, so it seems fitting. I’m not sure how to structure the cost, other than charging a decent flat hourly rate for (usually) 2 hours worth of stylus work, so until further notice my digital catifications will be on a per donation basis. If you want a print or a painting the cost will depend of the subject and time/materials requires, and priced accordingly. Simply message me (firstname.lastname@example.org) and we can get started. 10% of donations will go to OMRF.ORG (Oklahoma Medical Research Foundation), a very reputable research facility that deals with, among other things, alzheimers and heart disease. I will be offering more choices in the near future for your donated monies. Stay tuned.
As for today’s cats, Don Young just garnered catification due to media attention on his idea to solve Alaska’s homelessness problem with wolves. Yes, really. Oklahoma’s 32nd was drawn due to his bassadness, baseball skills, and willingness to serve Oklahoma during its fight for anything but baseball or kids (not Randy’s fault, thus far). If you want to read about an Okie truly huge in Japan, go read about Representative Randy Bass, he is in the Japanese Tiger’s top 5 all time players, and still holds the highest recorded Japanese batting average, a respectable .389, nothing to shake a stick at.
If you have any suggestions for catification donation monies, contact me, I’ll do the research and offer more as I find the good ones.
A request to catify NYC Mayoral Candidate John Catsimatidis was delivered byKatie Honanover at DNAinfo. After reading up on the Greek billionaire, seeing his face, and then imagining what a billionaire would do with a tabloid newspaper if he bought it right after he lost an election amused me so much I had to draw him. I think it turned out pretty swank.
That accounts for Catsimatidis, which happens to be the only politician so far that didn’t need his or her name catified, and there’s an excellent reason for Senator Barbara Mewkulski, that I’ll get to in a moment, but what about the young Danish political socialite in a dinner setting? Well, I woke up this morning and reddit was briefly alarming some obscure conservative trend setter in Denmark, and then posting a copious volume of her self published scantily clad modeling photos (among plenty of professional and official portraits) along with a furious smattering of half way translated interview responses, profile information and links to her policies. I figured she was so instantly admired for her progressive conservative politics by a traditionally left leaning demographic that she might just be onto something new with her youthful ideas, her perhaps original platforms. Maybe she will get famous, hit a talk circuit and rub off on some of the politicians around here. I’m sure someone out there would love to see Senator Lankford in his most comfy oversized sweater talking about the definition of marriage.
And finally, but most importantly, I was just doing my usual Google search for senator cat jokes and a story came across about Maryland Senator Barbara Mikulski has announced she will not be seeking reelection in 2016, effectively retiring as the longest running woman to serve in Congress. Take the time to read over some of her achievements, she has kicked open the doors of progress for women and men alike, doing all sorts of things like making it legal for women Senators to wear pants (no joke), course correcting the federal spending during several crises, all while basically adopting every stray female Senator that ever made her way to the floor. She is highly respected and I’m sad I didn’t know who she was sooner. Hopefully she achieves her final goals, one of which is to achieve equal pay for women. Seriously, read up on her, she’s a badass who made this a better country with her service.