by Anthony Pego
If Ed Miliband fails to capture the working class vote with his Hollywood cowboy President inspired responses to the conservative party leader and current UK Prime Minister David Cameron, I predict Hillary Clinton will lose the election in 2016.
Miliband is apparently an aficionado in things Americana, especially Ronald Reagan and his political tactics and theatrics. Miliband has also had a clear message, one that aims to convince center-left voters their actions on Downing Street will benefit more of those in need than just a few lucky public housing tenants who might suddenly find themselves able to buy a government subsidised home.
Unfortunately, the issue for Miliband and his Labour party appears to be the lack of a time line expected in delivering their goals, and it appears the public isn’t waiting around to find out when he thinks he can deliver. Three weeks out from an election is pretty short notice; I don’t blame them.
Which brings me to Clinton:
If Clinton does not pick a message to deliver to the nation in a concise, consistent, and time oriented fashion sooner rather than later I fear the notion of “Are you better off now than 20 years ago?” (I’m paraphrasing, but guessing it’s a safe bet the Republicans will, at some point, remind us of the time the Clinton dynasty shut down the government), a classic play from Reagan’s book, delivered by George Bush IV (aka: Jeb) might be just enough rhetoric to unseat the Democrats entirely.
For a brief moment, people will think about racial tensions, extinct diseases reemerging, runaway weather pattern changes, mass extinctions, man-made earthquakes, water scarcity, unmanagable inflation, a continually shrinking middle class, the militarization of our Girl Scouts and they will think “No, I’m not really better off than 20 years ago,” and that will be enough to give the other candidate a shot. And right now Jeb Bush is the other guy.
What some of you may fail to remember is though the Clinton administration did hold all but minimum government function hostage for 3 weeks, the holdout is credited by the Congressional Budget Office for leading the country to a balanced budget and eventual surplus. If economical outcomes isn’t your thing, perhaps taking a glance at what just a few years of a Clinton in the White House will do for the state of music in our country, may I present the top 5 songs in 1995 (3 years into the Clinton administration):
1. Gangsta’s Paradise, Coolio
2. Waterfalls, TLC
3. Creep, TLC
4. Kiss from a Rose, Seal
5. On Bended Knee, Boyz II Men
Now let’s take a look at the top 5 songs in George Bush Jr.’s third year :
1. In Da Club, 50 Cent
2. Ignition, R. Kelly
3. Get Busy, Sean Paul
4. Crazy In Love, Beyonce feat. Jay Z
5. When I’m Gone, 3 Doors Down
And finally let’s see 3 years into Bush Sr.’s administration:
1. End of the Road, Boyz II Men
2. Baby Got Back, Sir Mix-a-Lot
3. Jump, Kris Kross
4. Save the Best for Last, Vanessa Williams
5. Baby-Baby-Baby, TLC
I believe I’ve illustrated my point: If we want more TLC than we know what to do with on the radio, another Clinton must sit in the Oval Office, especially when you consider the risk of getting another 3 Doors Down song in our lives. The one consolation of another Bush in office would be the possibility of a Sir-Mix-a-Lot / Vanessa Williams Christmas special on iTunes.
If Miliband does win, it doesn’t mean we get Coolio back on the air (but it should) and a Clinton back in the Presidents seat, but it would mean the working class in a media saturated world are tuning in instead of turning off, at least in one major Western culture. Considering all the Presidential candidates haven’t yet announced, I have high hopes for an as-of-yet unannounced surprise that brings in the resurgence of 1980’s top 5 (3 years after Jimmy Carter took office):
1. Call Me, Blondie
2. Another Brick In The Wall, Pink Floyd
3. Magic, Olivia Neeton-John
4. Rock With You, Michael Jackson
5. Do That To Me One More Time, Captain and Tennille
Does Jimmy Carter have any kids with political aspirations?
P.S. Some of you may have noticed David Cameron is drawn in the style of Wallace and Grommet claymation. Very observant. You win a cookie.*
*not really a cookie, more likely a crudely drawn anthropomorphic cat or three
Open Letter to The Oklahoma City Dodgers: An Official Plea for Greater Goat Acess Consideration to Ensure Continued Success on the Field
By Anthony Pego
Opening day is upon us Okc-based minor league baseball fans (April 9th), and in the name of avoiding spring cleaning we all dust off our fitted hats and foam fingers this time of year. Due to a series of home break-ins over the last year here at Boo Science Labs I’ve felt somewhat cursed, and have become somewhat superstitious. For this reason I have begun researching the best method by which we new OKC Dodgers (formerly the RedHawks) fans may avoid accidentally attracting a curse placed upon our recently rebranded minor-league baseball team.
It turns out a long, long time ago, in a Wrigley Field far away, a man named Billy Sianis, who owned a goat bar, bought himself and his goat both tickets for a Cubbies and Detroit Tigers World Series baseball game. The goat was denied entry at the Wrigley Field gate, and upon being tied to a stake outside, the most controversial and fruitful curse ever placed on a sports team blanketed the Cubs quest for diamond dominance in a World Series.
After much thumbing through old Mad Magazines, the answer has become clear to me: The OKC Dodgers need some level of access to the OKC Dodgers field for goats. In my opinion, we cannot risk denying even a single goat his or her ability to enjoy American baseball, particularly in the beginning days of a franchise rollover. (That’s what we call it when we rename a baseball francise every 10 or so years, right?)
Spring is a special time for families, and for baseball. The two are most definitely not mutually exclusive, barring the few usual local statisticians and cardboard enthusiasts. Recently, in my quest to understand Twitter, I’ve grown to love a herd of goats known as the Hefner Goats, which tend to municipal needs around the Oklahoma City metro area (along with sheep and a Democrat, I’m told). Despite only having one interaction with them on said social medium, I already feel like they are nuclear family. Or at least a rung above my mom’s lazy-eyed King Charles the IIIrd Cousin Dog, or whatever.
Due to my newfound affinity for all things goat, I am considering adopting a dozen or two of the hard working Satan spawns for my personal lawn service, home security, and of course to expand the number of beloved members in my fine Oklahoma baseball loving multi-specied family. As I add goats to my already overly furry family photos, I’ll want to introduce my bearded friends to our favorite family pastime, baseball, and what better than the Oklahoma City Dodgers for their first taste of Americana and non-goat based leather?
As the Dodgers christen their Oklahoma City diamond I ask, nay I beg, them to consider allowing access to, at the very least, a small but premium hillside. Preferably just over left field (the greenest grass grows on the left side). At the very least I think a seat behind the visiting team dugout is in order, reserved for any Okie goat that might want to visit the ballpark with their family, tenders, or their personal herding dogs. Perhaps in the rare occasion that it goes unused it could be occupied by any out-of-town mascots or service animals belonging to active umpires.
Lord knows we all need someone on our side, and in my opinion the proud and all too often blue-collared goat might be just the wooly friend we need right now.
As for the catification of Harry Caray, Twitter follower @Thomas_Reese requested I turn the Cubs and all of baseball’s most beloved voice into a proud feline, and it is my honor to do so. There are some who say Harry Caray was stronger, sharper, somehow better before he sat down to chug beer and sing* songs with the Cubbie fans, but not me. I say the body will do what it may, but being with those you love, or near the field on which they play when you pass away, and having them love you back, is nothing short of a hero’s death. Ladies, gentlemen, heroes, goats and cats, play ball.
I have a buddy (hey Kade!) down south who graduated with a “Bach in Government”, from The Cats Meow in the French Quarter, I presume, which I think means he knows a lot about the classical music played in Federal building elevators. He told me I might want to take a look at Mississippi’s Mexico (aside from actual Mexico) for some Senatorial cat inspiration. Well it it turns out Kade was right, which is shocking, because I’ve lived in Louisiana and it usually takes a few beers before anyone I knew down there would tell you anything but a joke about boobs, their politicians, or Mississippi. That must mean things are serious down there, or their politicians look exactly like cats. I’ll let you decide, but stay on the lookout, aside from catifying their hooked loving (Sen David Vitter), and evangelical (Sen Bill Cassidy – in this case for his state’s environmental recovery funding) senators I’ll be looking at a few other Mush-mouthed candidates. I’m looking at you, Governor Bobbikins Jangles.
Also, please enjoy a pothole as a politician, mostly because we have horrible pothole problems here in the Oklahoma City metro area, but also because I find the visual of Oklahoma’s most something something Senator, James Lankford, happily snarking from a 5 foot deep water-filled pothole freaking hilarious.
Recently I catified Oklahoma’s 44th District Representative Emily Virgin, thanks to her work for the LGBT and various minority communities. To my complete pleasure and surprise Rep Virgin happened to be in a twitter conversation with Perez Hilton about the recent legislative events, and Perez catsually “begged to differ” that his Twitter mention was more important than my catification of Oklahoma’s most adored LGBT hero. It seems to me Perez is just jealous, and I aim to fix that. Perez, be catty no more. We all love you here in Oklahoma, plenty of tummy rubs await your visit to our complex, but beautiful state. You’re purrfect how you are and we would love your company as soon as possible.
As for the Shat cat, who wouldn’t love to see out favorite redditor and social kitty, Mr. Catner, in fur form, I’m just shocked we didn’t see him contract some feline STD during the early Star Trek series shots among all those purrmiscuous cat-like aliens during his travels in the expansive cardboard box in which we all live. Respect to the Shat.
Norman, Oklahoma’s District 44 badass Representative Emily Virgin saved Oklahoma from a lot of legal trouble, embarrassment, and bankruptcy thanks to an ammendment to an ammendment to the Religious Freedom Act of Oklahoma. The piece in question was an ammendment that would potentially allow discrimination against gay and lesbian patrons in Oklahoma, among other minority groups. Representative Virgin simply added a few small details requiring businesses to post in public, everywhere, the exact brand of bigotry that business puts in practice. BRAVO. That is seriously the best play against hate I have ever witnessed in the Oklahoma legislature. Me and all the furry employees at Boo Science hope to see that type of leadership claw it’s way all the way to the top. I’ve got a ladder if anyone gets stuck, but I doubt Virgin will need help navigating the heights of future politics, wherever it takes her.
Second, below are a few “catification”, where people have donated whatever they feel appropriate, then I catify them and donate 10% to the Oklahoma Medical Research Foundation. These are local Okies, who I’ve found make gorgeous cats, so it’s a pleasure to bring you my renditions of people who like cartoon cats for some reason.
Lastly, I doodle a lot. Sometimes it’s about things that largely and specifically only apply to me. I apologize in advance for all future comics that have this quality. The Anatomy of Manspreading comic below is one of those. And for the record, I don’t manspread in public, you fellow lads shouldn’t either, and ladies, keep the purses off empty seats.
A request to catify NYC Mayoral Candidate John Catsimatidis was delivered by Katie Honan over at DNAinfo. After reading up on the Greek billionaire, seeing his face, and then imagining what a billionaire would do with a tabloid newspaper if he bought it right after he lost an election amused me so much I had to draw him. I think it turned out pretty swank.
That accounts for Catsimatidis, which happens to be the only politician so far that didn’t need his or her name catified, and there’s an excellent reason for Senator Barbara Mewkulski, that I’ll get to in a moment, but what about the young Danish political socialite in a dinner setting? Well, I woke up this morning and reddit was briefly alarming some obscure conservative trend setter in Denmark, and then posting a copious volume of her self published scantily clad modeling photos (among plenty of professional and official portraits) along with a furious smattering of half way translated interview responses, profile information and links to her policies. I figured she was so instantly admired for her progressive conservative politics by a traditionally left leaning demographic that she might just be onto something new with her youthful ideas, her perhaps original platforms. Maybe she will get famous, hit a talk circuit and rub off on some of the politicians around here. I’m sure someone out there would love to see Senator Lankford in his most comfy oversized sweater talking about the definition of marriage.
And finally, but most importantly, I was just doing my usual Google search for senator cat jokes and a story came across about Maryland Senator Barbara Mikulski has announced she will not be seeking reelection in 2016, effectively retiring as the longest running woman to serve in Congress. Take the time to read over some of her achievements, she has kicked open the doors of progress for women and men alike, doing all sorts of things like making it legal for women Senators to wear pants (no joke), course correcting the federal spending during several crises, all while basically adopting every stray female Senator that ever made her way to the floor. She is highly respected and I’m sad I didn’t know who she was sooner. Hopefully she achieves her final goals, one of which is to achieve equal pay for women. Seriously, read up on her, she’s a badass who made this a better country with her service.
(NOT SAFE FOR WORK photos of Nikita) http://imgur.com/a/knGCv
Since I started drawing politicians as cats a few weeks ago I’ve received a few requests. These are a few, some others were US Senators that will be done this week, but I’d like to keep the names a secret until they’re done. It’s more fun that way. Til then I had a blast learning about de Blasio (cat named by @HowardHalle of timeout.com) and his incredibly confusing career as Mayor in New York. I found an ancient photo of the guy from the old college days, or perhaps volunteering at a wig making factory, it’s hard to tell because of the lack of pixels. I do know I have had a fro myself and I know how difficult maintaining such great heights on helmet prone hair can be, so the photo I needed to work from was obvious.
Assemblywoman Michele Fiore (Nevada R) believes humans are a fungus and we should stop spending so much money on expensive treatment and just flush each other occasionally with salt water. There’s just nothing I can saw about that without sobbing mathematically, so I won’t.
As far as Dorman goes, we just really like him around here, despite his recent troubling lack of participation in all Oklahoma things that are political. I miss a groomed orange beard telling us what the kids need but definitely won’t get. I hope we see him again very soon. Until then, let me know below who you want catified. I just might include it in the next request fulfillment.
Request for de Clawsio – http://www.timeout.com/newyork/blog/artist-renders-state-pols-as-new-york-kitties
It seems Netflix didn’t want me to do anything but imagine Kevin Spacey as a cat this weekend, and this was the result. I’d vote for him. Or clean his litter box. Whichever he required.
Now stop looking at cats on the Internet and go watch season 3 of House of Cards. You won’t be sorry.
Last week Idaho made news on the webs and in my morning coffee when local Rep. Vito Barbieri (R) took time out of a hearing to discuss which hole or holes leads to the vagina in the human female anatomy, whether or not women could just swallow a pill with a camera in it to diagnose a legitimate pregnancy or a lack of Jesus in the heart. Once educated on the matter I’m sure moved on to more important matters like finding out which entrances to the House he should be using during business hours, honestly I’m not sure, but I love the idea of him sitting there playing with one of those little cameras, wondering not where it had been, but where it could go. Bravo, Idaho, forward thinking like that is what keeps political progress and science swiftly moving forward equitably in the colon of America. Or vagina. Whichever.
Anyway, thanks goes out to Vito for helping me pick which two US State Senators to draw next for my Politicians as Cats series. I owe you one, Vito, just let me know how I can pay you back, just as long as it doesn’t involve doing anything medical in your state.