- Coordinated an equal cats rights nap-in while attending the University of Chicatgo
- Spoke against big tuna bailouts
- Ranking minority member of the Senate Budgie Watch Committee
by Anthony Pego
If Ed Miliband fails to capture the working class vote with his Hollywood cowboy President inspired responses to the conservative party leader and current UK Prime Minister David Cameron, I predict Hillary Clinton will lose the election in 2016.
Miliband is apparently an aficionado in things Americana, especially Ronald Reagan and his political tactics and theatrics. Miliband has also had a clear message, one that aims to convince center-left voters their actions on Downing Street will benefit more of those in need than just a few lucky public housing tenants who might suddenly find themselves able to buy a government subsidised home.
Unfortunately, the issue for Miliband and his Labour party appears to be the lack of a time line expected in delivering their goals, and it appears the public isn’t waiting around to find out when he thinks he can deliver. Three weeks out from an election is pretty short notice; I don’t blame them.
Which brings me to Clinton:
If Clinton does not pick a message to deliver to the nation in a concise, consistent, and time oriented fashion sooner rather than later I fear the notion of “Are you better off now than 20 years ago?” (I’m paraphrasing, but guessing it’s a safe bet the Republicans will, at some point, remind us of the time the Clinton dynasty shut down the government), a classic play from Reagan’s book, delivered by George Bush IV (aka: Jeb) might be just enough rhetoric to unseat the Democrats entirely.
For a brief moment, people will think about racial tensions, extinct diseases reemerging, runaway weather pattern changes, mass extinctions, man-made earthquakes, water scarcity, unmanagable inflation, a continually shrinking middle class, the militarization of our Girl Scouts and they will think “No, I’m not really better off than 20 years ago,” and that will be enough to give the other candidate a shot. And right now Jeb Bush is the other guy.
What some of you may fail to remember is though the Clinton administration did hold all but minimum government function hostage for 3 weeks, the holdout is credited by the Congressional Budget Office for leading the country to a balanced budget and eventual surplus. If economical outcomes isn’t your thing, perhaps taking a glance at what just a few years of a Clinton in the White House will do for the state of music in our country, may I present the top 5 songs in 1995 (3 years into the Clinton administration):
1. Gangsta’s Paradise, Coolio
2. Waterfalls, TLC
3. Creep, TLC
4. Kiss from a Rose, Seal
5. On Bended Knee, Boyz II Men
Now let’s take a look at the top 5 songs in George Bush Jr.’s third year :
1. In Da Club, 50 Cent
2. Ignition, R. Kelly
3. Get Busy, Sean Paul
4. Crazy In Love, Beyonce feat. Jay Z
5. When I’m Gone, 3 Doors Down
And finally let’s see 3 years into Bush Sr.’s administration:
1. End of the Road, Boyz II Men
2. Baby Got Back, Sir Mix-a-Lot
3. Jump, Kris Kross
4. Save the Best for Last, Vanessa Williams
5. Baby-Baby-Baby, TLC
I believe I’ve illustrated my point: If we want more TLC than we know what to do with on the radio, another Clinton must sit in the Oval Office, especially when you consider the risk of getting another 3 Doors Down song in our lives. The one consolation of another Bush in office would be the possibility of a Sir-Mix-a-Lot / Vanessa Williams Christmas special on iTunes.
If Miliband does win, it doesn’t mean we get Coolio back on the air (but it should) and a Clinton back in the Presidents seat, but it would mean the working class in a media saturated world are tuning in instead of turning off, at least in one major Western culture. Considering all the Presidential candidates haven’t yet announced, I have high hopes for an as-of-yet unannounced surprise that brings in the resurgence of 1980’s top 5 (3 years after Jimmy Carter took office):
1. Call Me, Blondie
2. Another Brick In The Wall, Pink Floyd
3. Magic, Olivia Neeton-John
4. Rock With You, Michael Jackson
5. Do That To Me One More Time, Captain and Tennille
Does Jimmy Carter have any kids with political aspirations?
P.S. Some of you may have noticed David Cameron is drawn in the style of Wallace and Grommet claymation. Very observant. You win a cookie.*
*not really a cookie, more likely a crudely drawn anthropomorphic cat or three
I have a buddy (hey Kade!) down south who graduated with a “Bach in Government”, from The Cats Meow in the French Quarter, I presume, which I think means he knows a lot about the classical music played in Federal building elevators. He told me I might want to take a look at Mississippi’s Mexico (aside from actual Mexico) for some Senatorial cat inspiration. Well it it turns out Kade was right, which is shocking, because I’ve lived in Louisiana and it usually takes a few beers before anyone I knew down there would tell you anything but a joke about boobs, their politicians, or Mississippi. That must mean things are serious down there, or their politicians look exactly like cats. I’ll let you decide, but stay on the lookout, aside from catifying their hooked loving (Sen David Vitter), and evangelical (Sen Bill Cassidy – in this case for his state’s environmental recovery funding) senators I’ll be looking at a few other Mush-mouthed candidates. I’m looking at you, Governor Bobbikins Jangles.
Also, please enjoy a pothole as a politician, mostly because we have horrible pothole problems here in the Oklahoma City metro area, but also because I find the visual of Oklahoma’s most something something Senator, James Lankford, happily snarking from a 5 foot deep water-filled pothole freaking hilarious.
Recently I catified Oklahoma’s 44th District Representative Emily Virgin, thanks to her work for the LGBT and various minority communities. To my complete pleasure and surprise Rep Virgin happened to be in a twitter conversation with Perez Hilton about the recent legislative events, and Perez catsually “begged to differ” that his Twitter mention was more important than my catification of Oklahoma’s most adored LGBT hero. It seems to me Perez is just jealous, and I aim to fix that. Perez, be catty no more. We all love you here in Oklahoma, plenty of tummy rubs await your visit to our complex, but beautiful state. You’re purrfect how you are and we would love your company as soon as possible.
As for the Shat cat, who wouldn’t love to see out favorite redditor and social kitty, Mr. Catner, in fur form, I’m just shocked we didn’t see him contract some feline STD during the early Star Trek series shots among all those purrmiscuous cat-like aliens during his travels in the expansive cardboard box in which we all live. Respect to the Shat.
It seems Netflix didn’t want me to do anything but imagine Kevin Spacey as a cat this weekend, and this was the result. I’d vote for him. Or clean his litter box. Whichever he required.
Now stop looking at cats on the Internet and go watch season 3 of House of Cards. You won’t be sorry.
Last week Idaho made news on the webs and in my morning coffee when local Rep. Vito Barbieri (R) took time out of a hearing to discuss which hole or holes leads to the vagina in the human female anatomy, whether or not women could just swallow a pill with a camera in it to diagnose a legitimate pregnancy or a lack of Jesus in the heart. Once educated on the matter I’m sure moved on to more important matters like finding out which entrances to the House he should be using during business hours, honestly I’m not sure, but I love the idea of him sitting there playing with one of those little cameras, wondering not where it had been, but where it could go. Bravo, Idaho, forward thinking like that is what keeps political progress and science swiftly moving forward equitably in the colon of America. Or vagina. Whichever.
Anyway, thanks goes out to Vito for helping me pick which two US State Senators to draw next for my Politicians as Cats series. I owe you one, Vito, just let me know how I can pay you back, just as long as it doesn’t involve doing anything medical in your state.
Oak & Ore is a new and amazing place to get your temperature controlled draft beer fix, it’s rustic, clean, industrial, and modern all the same time, and if that isn’t enough to entice you, tomorrow the Marshall Brewing team will be showing off a keg of a pineapple infused version of This Machine IPA, an incredible beer I was lucky enough to sample This Machine, named for the iconic Woody Guthrie guitar with that very message printed on its face. The beer is by far the best IPA I’ve ever had, so I’m extremely excited to try the limited pineapple infused version, lovingly called Pineapple Express, tomorrow at Oak & Ore in Oklahoma City’s Plaza District. Beer starts pouring at 5pm, get there fast if you want to keep your glass, supplies are limited.
I hope the people over at Marshall Brewing like my take on their beer and Woody, and I hope you liked it too.
Oak & Ore – 1732 NW 16th St, Okc Ok
Thursday February 26, 5pm
Facebook event : https://www.facebook.com/events/1588164724762671/
I’ve been teaching myself to use a stylus and digital paint techniques, and what better way to do that is there than after painting the Senators (State Senators, local politicians, heck, sometimes even Governors) one at a time, as they make the news? None that I can think of, but when I do I’ll do that, instead.
Recently New York has seen a string of machete attacks, two that I can find in public records in the last year. Queens politician and state Senator Tony Avella is of the opinion that machetes should be banned, due to this horrific upturn in Vietnam era weaponry based attacks, which brings to light a few lingering questions, like – How will lawn service experts cut through the thicks of jungle in the Queens suburbs? Does a brisket sabre qualify as a machete, and if so, how will this legislation deal with the need for smaller buns where businesses serve sliced brisket now that they have to use butter knives to cut BBQ? And most importantly, as long as we are banning physical attack types one at a time, and not just assault or murder overall, are there plans in place to legislate against making any more movies based on toys from my childhood? I’m starting to take that shit personally. Whatever happens, I hope Senator Tony continues his epic and time critical battles against out-of-date arms and county squirrel massacres*.
*Senator Tony Avella joined animal rights protesters standing against the Hazzard County Squirrel Slam in 2013