I’m pitching a show to OETA and CSPAN-2 called Oklahoma Yards where a crew of my highly trained (a combined 128 hours at OCCC Film school for pets) cats and I interview people while standing on their lawn. We will ask about their lawn, their maintenance routines, the events they currently have within the confines of their yard space, and in the end of the show we bring in a truck from Habitat For Humanity and renovate their space to update and innovate their horizontal haven.
You will find attached a quick sketch panel for use as a visual aid during the presentation. We would start with Oklahoma’s most recognizable yards, the Oklahoma Governor’s Mansion, and the State Capitol yard, where by the time we get our film permits and vacciness updated there should be lawn ornaments or other less legally restricted morality reminders on the grounds in lieu of a proper ten commandments monument. They will do well to break up the always gorgeous Capital lawn, now more admirable than ever thanks to a crumbling facade, making it difficult to enjoy or come in close proximity to the Capitol itself. No loss, really, as the oil rig and what I assume will be pink flamingos or gnomes holding commandments on tiny signs will serve this shows needs fully. As for the Governor’s Mansion and having the Governor’s daughter there, along with any other trailer based family or friends they might invite over, will make for excellent interviews, and maybe we can score the cats and film crew passes to the next big art show. Could be an entirely different show where the cats critique art and interview artists at their own shows right before they leave, so they’re good and liquored up. The cats enjoy drunk interviewees, they pet with a heavy hand.
A script is currently in the works by the lead writer cat on our team, Miffins Scrumple Bush Jr. The second episode will showcase the Overholser lawns, along with the Phillips, and finally we will end it with Sweet Brown’s, uh, yard. Alley. We won’t be picky. We look forward to the approval process on these pitches, and can’t wait to sell you signed DVDs at the next Affair of the Heart. Until next time, Oklahoma!
I’m sorry to see him go, I would have enjoyed another year to see what Scott Brooks could do without so many injuries, but Thunder knows best and I’m sure they have their reasons for letting Mr. Brooks go from position of Thunder head coach. I’m sure there will be offers up for a talented cat as he saunters through Thunder Alley one last time. Good luck, Coach.
National SAE President Brad Cohen recently vented his talcum powder-coated opinion, saying that David Boren’s claim that OU SAE chapter members learned the racist chant four years ago while in a national leadership cruise was “disgusting, one-sided and biased” as well as “inflammatory and self serving.“
I noticed Brad didn’t say the allegations are untrue. He went on to say that perhaps Mr. Boren shouldn’t be president of the university if he can’t run an impartial investigation. This is coming from a graduate of the fine state of Arizona, a state perhaps best known for its string of schools remarkable for their studious fortitude and inclusiveness. (And blue meth.)
I think Mr. Cohen is a bit hurt that President Boren crossed over his imaginary collegiate thin Burberry-tartan line. What I do know is that, recently, a friend of mine — also a lifelong friend of Mr. Boren’s — died after a long, 29-year struggle with mental illness and addiction.
Everyone in the art community knew and loved Spencer Mellow, so did many in the faith community and even many in a few more debauched local communities. Spencer was known for having the most love to give out of anyone we knew, so it came as no surprise that in his funeral photo montage were images of a quite young Spencer sitting at one of Mr. Boren’s more stately desks. (Checking for grammatical errors and good ideas, no doubt.) What did surprise me was seeing Mr. Boren sitting quietly, drawing no attention to himself, taking time to say goodbye to a kid he loved for an all-too-brief but brilliance-filled few decades. Just that day he appointed Jabar Shumate as University of Oklahoma’s vice president, a new position intended to foster stronger multicultural relations, among other tasks, and now there he was taking time away from what had to be an incredibly busy transitional time to pay respects to the most chaotic, flamboyant, hardest working and hardest partying creatives I have ever known.
I’d hardly call those the actions of a man who is “disgusting, one-sided, biased, inflammatory” or “self serving.” In fact, I’d say that was some of the most Christ-like, leadership-quality behavior I’ve seen out of an Oklahoman in one day since Representative Emily Virgin single handedly freed the LGBT community with her red pen.
Despite having family in the political realm, I have never met Mr. Boren, but I would gladly shake his hand out of respect, and I prefer that he runs that crimson insane asylum most of us adore so much. Better an ex-politician who cares enough about people to bring real change, than one who would rather sing the songs of the same.
So you might be asking yourself, “What does Ralph Waldo Ellison, author of Invisible Man (1952) have to do with any of this?” I’m glad you asked.
This month (April) is Mr. Ellison’s birth month, and seeing as how he is both an Oklahoman and he wrote the 1950s version of Fight Club, from the perspective of a black man in Harlem, but as an existential criticism of cultural relations and modern man’s many roles in Western society instead of a think piece on the joy and escapism that cubicle life offers.
This makes it the perfect book for revisiting right now, and I hope you do, and frankly I hope it is handed out to every student who joins OU in the next year, regardless of color, status, or singing ability. Clearly we have gone too long without seeing or reading about a man making difficult choices in times of cultural upheaval.
PS: During my research, I found out Mr. Boren’s aunt used to write songs, and met Elvis Presley as a budding musician (she also cowrote “Heartbreak Hotel) , so needing one more catification to make 3 total, it seemed a lovely choice. Hope you enjoy.
“Letting the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back” – Will Rogers
Oklahoma is burlap-sacks full of entertainers who make history, both past and present. So when my tax guy (Crotts and Assoc.) said he would give me a break on my filing fees if I made him a catification that didn’t give him and his clients more anxiety, I knew just who would be next on my list – Brad Pitt. Who I would have gladly catified, except every time I try it ends up looking like Paul Reubens, so I went with the next best Okie, Will Rogers. You might all remember him from the airport. I chose his iconic pose with his wrangling rope because I like to imagine Will Rogers the zombie coming back as a half cat, half man ready to rope and can all the legislative alley cats that are making a discrimination-free day and living harder to come by for the fine people here in Oklahoma – but with a wry smile and a quip that would make Senator Lankpurr show emails.
I’d also like to announce the first Boo Science Tshirt, a Mary Howlin retro and very patriotic design. Buy it soon, or you clearly hate Oklahoma, God, and the sanctity of your wardrobe.
As for the other cats, you know how Anchors are, you catify one for doing a tremendous interview (thanks Morgan Chesky!) and they all want to be creeped out by seeing themselves as an anthropomorphized cat. Buncha weirdos, but we love them.
People have been asking to be catified, which is totally weird, but cats are SUPER weird, so it seems fitting. I’m not sure how to structure the cost, other than charging a decent flat hourly rate for (usually) 2 hours worth of stylus work, so until further notice my digital catifications will be on a per donation basis. If you want a print or a painting the cost will depend of the subject and time/materials requires, and priced accordingly. Simply message me (email@example.com) and we can get started. 10% of donations will go to OMRF.ORG (Oklahoma Medical Research Foundation), a very reputable research facility that deals with, among other things, alzheimers and heart disease. I will be offering more choices in the near future for your donated monies. Stay tuned.
As for today’s cats, Don Young just garnered catification due to media attention on his idea to solve Alaska’s homelessness problem with wolves. Yes, really. Oklahoma’s 32nd was drawn due to his bassadness, baseball skills, and willingness to serve Oklahoma during its fight for anything but baseball or kids (not Randy’s fault, thus far). If you want to read about an Okie truly huge in Japan, go read about Representative Randy Bass, he is in the Japanese Tiger’s top 5 all time players, and still holds the highest recorded Japanese batting average, a respectable .389, nothing to shake a stick at.
If you have any suggestions for catification donation monies, contact me, I’ll do the research and offer more as I find the good ones.
Since I started drawing politicians as cats a few weeks ago I’ve received a few requests. These are a few, some others were US Senators that will be done this week, but I’d like to keep the names a secret until they’re done. It’s more fun that way. Til then I had a blast learning about de Blasio (cat named by @HowardHalle of timeout.com) and his incredibly confusing career as Mayor in New York. I found an ancient photo of the guy from the old college days, or perhaps volunteering at a wig making factory, it’s hard to tell because of the lack of pixels. I do know I have had a fro myself and I know how difficult maintaining such great heights on helmet prone hair can be, so the photo I needed to work from was obvious.
Assemblywoman Michele Fiore (Nevada R) believes humans are a fungus and we should stop spending so much money on expensive treatment and just flush each other occasionally with salt water. There’s just nothing I can saw about that without sobbing mathematically, so I won’t.
As far as Dorman goes, we just really like him around here, despite his recent troubling lack of participation in all Oklahoma things that are political. I miss a groomed orange beard telling us what the kids need but definitely won’t get. I hope we see him again very soon. Until then, let me know below who you want catified. I just might include it in the next request fulfillment.
Request for de Clawsio – http://www.timeout.com/newyork/blog/artist-renders-state-pols-as-new-york-kitties
So for my birthday today I thought I’d give the good people of the Internet and my friends a gift, instead of begging for shots of whiskey made in more northern states at the Red Dog (a beginners and retiree stripper’s strip club that serves a nice burger here in Okc). I’m working on a series that exhibits the U. S. Senators as cats, so for my birthday I will give you a preview with my home state’s offerings, Jim Inhofe and James Lankford, with bonus* district representative, Sally Kern and Oklahoma Governor Mary Fallin (added by request). If you enjoy this keep an eye out, I’ll be posting more state senators throughout the year.
*bonus politician as a cat